That moment when...all you see is Love

Yesterday I drove Buck and Betty to Jacksonville's Mayo Clinic. (Yes.. They are my Dads Mom and Dad and Ive always called them by their names. Rumor has it.... when I was born they were "too young" to be called Granny and Papa.) This trip was unlike any other one. Much different than our visits lately. Let me share what I experienced. I hope when you are available to those around you...you too...will find something special there...In that moment...... 



I look over at his frail body. Hunched over... The spine has now taken a turn. The body of what once stood a man. Strong, sturdy, planted firm on the ground as he stood.... Has slowly dwindled to an aging body....weak knees that can barely hold himself up. I see the love of his life cut up his food because the dexterity in his hands are slowly following his legs. Much like infancy this old body seems to be returning back to the involuntary, uncontrolled movements. These are the things I can see. It's a mystery of what's inside the heart and mind.  As  I look it breaks my heart of clinging to the memories of how he used to stand. I easily could make tears. Lots of them and then I change my thinking.... It's amazing at the emotions from one perspective  to the next.

So as I stare at the man  inside a shell of what looks like torture ....there... I see Jesus. I see his love. The love of his life. His help meet. His waitress. His barber. His dresser. His care taker. His pharmacy. His encourager. His reminder of reasons why to grow stronger.  His very reason of now living. I see love. The love I'm convinced most people never experience in a lifetime because they never have to truly depend on it. I see patience. I see kindness. I see unselfishness. I see servant.  I see weary. I see exhaustion yet plenty of energy. 

I found it amazing at what most of us see as inconvenience, brokenhearted, lack of hope... may be exactly what they have been longing for their whole lives. As we too are in the middle of growing ours..... What a blessing to watch and share with the experience. An experience that shows me exactly who I want to be. I want to love like that. A selfless love with no conditions. 

What a blessing I experienced as I took the day to be with them. It was different. Different than dropping in for a visit. It was a slow pace. Never in a hurry. I watched others give a simple smile. A nod. Acknowledgement  much like most do with babies. There is something sweet. Something special about the life it represents. Too bad they haven't seen it through my eyes. I see it as a gift. A gift to celebrate, honor and give thanks for. It is a legacy that has been left for me. That was passed down by my amazing parents and I pray I am living the same. 

So take the time. To be available. It may just be the perfect day that totally changes your perspective on what seems to be failing. Failing to thrive. Failing to live and enjoy. That's not it. Not it at all. Its simply the greatest of these.......It is Love. 

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gang or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge and if I has such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing. 

Love is patient. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoiced whenever the truth wins out. Love NEVER gives up, NEVER loses faith. Is ALWAYS hopeful and ENDURES through EVERY circumstance. 

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge become useless. But LOVE will last FOREVER!

Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture. But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. 

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last FOREVER......

Faith Hope and Love

The greatest of these is Love

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

That moment when....you realize The Lord made our hearts like buckets....

Blog inspired by some of my most favorite BFF's Mike and Leslie Vullo and this awesome book.

A few weeks ago I had a dear sweet friend tell me of a book her husband picked up and thought I would enjoy reading it to the boys. It's called Have You Filled a Bucket Today? She let us borrow it and I fell in love. Building champions in this game of life has become a passion of ours. In every area, any age. To encourage character and integrity. I know this is a huge job. I do not claim to have it mastered but I take it seriously and work really hard to live in a way I am leading. This book makes me think of those things. Not only teaching them to our children but living a bucket filled life myself.

First and foremost you must know that everyone has an invisible bucket and just because we don't see each other carrying it around doesn't mean its not there. I believe the bucket resembles a lot of our heart. These are the things that can fill it up or totally dump it entirely. Now onto what is inside the bucket. 

There are two types of people we encounter. Bucket fillers and bucket dippers. I think the names are pretty self explanatory. The book doesn't refer to this but I also think there is third and that's someone who could care less about adding or taking away any value, which I suppose could be a dipper. Sad, but true and we probably know more than we would like to admit. So here is my take on buckets and I think it could be a life changing lesson to grasp.


So everybody has a bucket....Either we are filling buckets or ours are being filled by friends and then..... there is the dipping. People who I suppose, live to dip out every ounce of greatness. 

All day long, we are either filling up

                                                       or dipping into each other's buckets

 by what we say and do.  

I have never understood the need, the desire, the fulfillment to be a bucket dipper. Why? Its much like bullying. Bullying has become a huge topic in our society. The awareness that its here and the cry out for prevention is at its all time high. I remember when I was in school it was brushed off as something you were meant to brush off and overcome on our own. Meanwhile there are people walking around my age struggling with the effects of their past bucket dippers. So this is my take...If we are making a stand it must first start at home with mama and daddy. I, in no way, have a right to read this book to my boys encouraging them to be bucket fillers if I am at home dipping everyone else's buckets inside my four walls. I love watching children and how they respond to life. I've listened to my own and have cringed when I have heard them say or do things with my same attitude about life some days. You can bet at some point in time whether at home or away your kids will call you out. So if its not something you would want repeated....better keep your bucket full.


For the bucket fillers. Man...I have so many in my life. I bet you do to. When they walk in a room...Into your presence that very moment increases in value. It feels safe...enjoyable.. and not much work besides being your best you. They are positive, uplifting. They celebrate what you celebrate. They even may mourn when you need to. I posted earlier this week on Facebook that 85% of the people in your life would love to see you fail...Those would be dippers and the 15% would be these friends. Who become your biggest cheerleaders. Who celebrate YOU!!

Now for the ones who could care less. I think these are the most dangerous. Living with nothing more than going through the motions. With no purpose. Little depth to relationships and wanting everyone they know to join them. They usually have no interest in any ones bucket being full or empty and chances are they didn't even know there was a bucket.

So what I want to share is how to keep yours full! How to fill others so that people in your life want full buckets and pay it forward. Just be one! When you are....It fills your own. Have you ever walked away from adding value to someones life saying to yourself...Man I want to do that again! Its awesome!! It takes work. Looking out for others always does. Its noticing they are there. Being in tune to them hurting. Maybe they have a great need? Its simple acts of kindness. Maybe a note to tell them how much they are valued. Sometimes the simple gesture of a smile. Willy challenged some friends and I to try it this week. Just catch someones eye he says and smile.....It may change the course of their day. Other things to remember when keeping your bucket full is surround yourself with BFF's. BUCKET FILLING FRIENDS. They are vital. And if you cant think of any friends in your own life...Find some new ones.


DON'T DIP!!! No matter how good it may make you feel for the moment. Remind yourself. of what that moment makes you become. Its the 85%. Who are viewed as not only selfish but jealous. Its viewed as bullying.  Weak....I cant imagine being OK with any of those adjectives for a description of myself yet we all are guilty of dipping at one point or another. I say its worth working hard to protect your lid.



Use your lid. The lid protects your bucket and never be afraid to use it. There may even be a period of time where it needs to stay on depending the circumstances. I remember us encouraging our oldest through this concept and something profound Willy said. He said.... Nothing has any value, meaning no one has the right or ability to dip unless you allow it. if whats being said is not true leave your lid on! don't let someone come into your life speaking opinions that hold no value or truth dip your bucket. Use your lid for others. Help other people protect their buckets. You may be the only one to prevent the dipping. And you may be the only one keeping the good inside and allowing nothing less to hop into the bucket. We could all use friends like these.


So just in case you didn't know WE ALL walk around with these invisible buckets....doesn't it make sense? I know I mentioned before these buckets are much like our hearts. I have a strong desire to protect my own but that's not good enough. I want to yearn to protect the hearts and buckets of others. Don't you??

A couple of weeks ago I went to my car and found this bucket. It was filled with all sorts of goodies and a card. I have to say I think this was better than flowers! It was a total surprise and very humbling to think of myself as a BFF (Bucket Filling Friend).







I pray that I always am working at filling buckets...and more importantly that my boys see that in me too. They are watching...and I think we could all agree we would love to have children who live to fill the buckets of others. So lets start with showing them how.

That moment.....when you learn there is more to perspective than your own.

Perspective is a funny word to me. Its meaning defined as an outlook...a point of view...position...stance...interpretation. NO where have I found truth, a fact or belief. Yet our own perception in our heart we define as truth. Key word, our own. In the past few years after defending my perspective of many areas in my life I have finally discovered its totally worth defending but does not require explanation. 

Think about things in your own life of times you have spent defending. Now think of the times you have spent attacking someone else's. Maybe the perspective was changed? Maybe not. Does it really matter when your own becomes truth inside your very heart. Now before anyone argues my perspective about truth please understand my definition of truth I work very hard to align with scripture. Its my hearts desire to filter every perspective through the Lords truth. If it doesnt match up, my perspective is wrong. PERIOD! What I am referring to is this point of view and interpretation of life of what we view and disect in lives around us. 

Sure I look around sometimes and think...what in the world are they thinking?!?! Or I so would not choose to do that!! Or WHY this decision...why that decision? WHAT IF....their perspective, after filtered through the truth and a stirring the Lord lays on their heart is so real, so amazing, life changing.....and then your perspective about theirs is as Willy would put it....GARBAGE! I love how the Lord has shown me that my ways are not always the ways of others and theirs mine. Thank the Lord. He puts my own stirring in my own heart. 

I was reminded of this the other day when I came across a stundent going to college. Possibly making a career out of college. I think college is overrated in some cases. (Dont worry...I will refrain from telling your children this so make sure they are not reading) But I do. My heart loves to be home..be a housewife..and love on my boys. Who needs college for that? I did not insert cleaning or cooking. I just love all of the other things in between. Now I could have told this kid my perspective of school being overrated. That one day surely she would want to do all of those things I am doing. Why go through the torture? But she may not. The Lord has something stirring in her heart so great. So far than any other stirring I have ever had about school in mine. Dreams that she has dreamt since a young child. That probably her parents encouraged her and have walked with her every step of the way. So how GARBAGE would that be of me to tell her how ridiculous my perspective is. 

So the perspective as a college student, a kid, an adult, an elderly person....Its a point of view..a stand...a position...an attitude...and it becomes the beating in their chest. 

The moment I realized this it was freeing! And it allowed everyone else in my mind to be free. I am still a work in progress. Every once in a while when someone throws their perspective out there I start sweating under my arms, my heart beats a little faster, I may feel like I want to clock them one... but I am reminded....There is a reason. They don't have my same stirring.

Since I have been running alot these days I will use a picture of how perspective can sometimes be false. 

In this picture you see a timed 3 mile run. It looks great. Cat like speed that day.....

AND heres why.....


  In the picture below you see clouds. It doesnt look too bad right? What you dont catch are these things. Lightening. Thunder. The sweet smell of rain. My car being 3 miles away and my phone battery going dead. I was fearful. Therefore, it made me have a little more pep in my step than any other day. 

This reminds me so often how we view the lives of others. Much like a picture. We create opinions. We find faults. We find "perfection". Our perspective, our own "truth" becomes theirs. 

Take a chance of getting to know those around you. You will either find your perspective is in fact true...if not..either way you are truly able to define the truth in a picture of their lives.  
So just because you can not make others around you like puppets, never underestimate what you can learn from watching them. 

When my college friend graduates I will be so incredibly proud of her. She has worked so hard. She has dedicated every ounce of her being to become the very best version of herself. If one day she decides shes ready to start a family and wants to stay at home I will still be her biggest cheerleader. If not I will be her biggest cheerleader watching her in her career because I love and care for her so much.

Be an encourager. Help build up others around you because chances are some knot head is shredding them to pieces. Make your pictures of your life be exactly what your living. Be true to yourself and always know if your perspective changes from everything youve done your entire life thus far you are living with much excitement and continued growth. The Lord created us for life. Life changes. Through the ages, through the seasons. Perspective changes. Let him use you in showing others how his way is not a cookie cutter for everyone to be the shape you want. And always remember sometimes sharing a negative one...tearing down, never building up....can leave you looking like a donkey.

That moment when....You Run YOUR Race

My most favorite picture of Mom and Dad

Sunday will mark a year since we learned of Dad's diagnosis. It came as a shock. "Neuro degenerative disease"...What?!?!? I remember mom telling me the words while I was finishing up with my last patient of the day. To say I lost it would be an understatement. It devastated me to the core. There were still many tests to be run. Trying to find anything but. Its such a horrible diagnosis. One of the test they ran they prepared us that it could be a type of cancer that brings along brain atrophy. I prayed it would be cancer and so were the nuerologists. I knew that Dad could and would fight it. But that is not what the Lord had planned. The next months following were the craziest roller coaster ride of my life. The day after... I got vertigo... and well....that's another blog in itself. It was AWFUL. I sat on the couch for 12 VERY LONG days with severe vomiting and dizziness like no body's business. I think it was for the simple fact I could not bother Mom and Dad while they tried to process it all. 12 VERY LONG days and MANY conversations with the Lord. I am SO very thankful for those 12 days for I know they were a blessing. 

My Daddy and Favorite Sister

Part of my coping, when I actually could get off of the couch became running. I had run a few years prior and simply got bored with it. This go around it has been much different. It became stress relief. My time to run off frustration and fear. There were plenty in the beginning that were mad runs. Fast, mad runs. Then became my favorite runs. I started using the time of running as my quiet time. Maybe not what you consider "quiet time".  I used to believe that my quiet time with the Lord had to be spent in a "Godly" chair. In a warm painted room, by a window with a bird feeder.  Can I just share with you....In the past year I have had THE MOST AMAZING times of worship in the HOT, blistering sun with breaks under the most amazing oaks. With sweat running out of every pore of my skin. Struggling to breath and my hammer toe SCREAMING for help. It has taught me a couple of lessons that I think the world should know. 

The first one is The Lord does not live in a box on a shelf to be taken off every Sunday to be able to worship him and stand in awe of the life he has given to you to point others towards him. He can use the things that you love. Your gifts and talents. He can use the things that you despise. The things that hurt. The things that require discipline. You're worst night mare. Your most hidden sin. He can use it all. Anywhere and anytime. If you're willing. 

The second one revolves around the word discipline. Most times we treat this as such a terrible word. A word that is tied to rebellion and consequences. Discipline is not always tied to those things. Discipline in most cases may even help avoid consequences. 

This has become my most favorite spot to run as the sun goes down. Its a wide opened field. With hay bales... cow birds.. and even a few donkeys. A few months ago on a run...actually the day I took this picture I heard voices in my head. (Do not judge) It was Melissa talking to Melissa. If that doesn't happen to you maybe you're the crazy one. However I had this strange thought of running a Marathon. I know...I said the same thing. No.. Never..Swore I would never..that's stupid.. not smart...that's horrible for your body. Those were the things I was discussing with myself back and forth. For 3 miles. And then it hit me..WHY NOT??!?!?!?! I have legs and feet. I can train and accomplish one of those "things" many people do in life. Why? I'm not sure but here are my reasons. Because most of my runs I meet with the Lord...why would the discipline and training be so painful. Yes.. it will be at times physically exhausting, but spiritually can overcome ANYTHING physically. 

Hebrew 12:11-13No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Next week starts my training. When you see me running know that it is for a few reasons. One is my time with him. I treasure it. And when Im running he is there. The other reason I will be running this marathon is for my daddy. When I run I pray for him so much. I pray that this diagnosis even though its part of the disciplining that is not always fun, it helps us all rely on the giver and creator of our very own lives. My daddy has rallied for me. Now I run for him. He has run the most amazing race during his life this far and I know he is just beginning to live for the purpose of what God has created him for. So please pray I keep strength in my knees and the path for my feet becomes strong. 

The third lesson and most dangerous is perspective. I have fallen trap in this area before. Perspective is a word that sometimes comes with too much weight. Thinking our own is the only one. That there is truth to it. Which is simply true when its your perspective. In your own heart.

My perspective of discipline, watching people live through life's roller coaster rides and the direction they take for their own has changed in the past few years. All because the Lord has shown me that he comes into our lives and works in ways indescribable. Don't fall into the danger of keeping him in that box and definitely don't judge someone else's perspective. This is their race...you have yours...RUN IT! I am still confused at how I got here and how my perspective has changed but Im embracing its awesomeness. 

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

This was my favorite song from todays run. Blog inspired.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY5_jMdELnw

That moment when you should tell your kids how incredibly amazingly awesome they are EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I read something yesterday and its been racing through my mind as I remembered seeing it once before in a book I was reading. It was a statement of, we as a "culture" are encouraging our kids too much for their own reality. We are setting them up for failure by telling them they are awesome. Ugh when I even write it, it makes me cringe.

At the end of baseball season this year Gabe was not chosen for the all star team in his age category. It was devastating to him.  We walked through the process of telling him the obvious. It was a little painful but nothing we couldn't work through and learn from. I couldn't tell you how many times we used the word awesome to describe how he performed on the baseball field through out the season. It was our definition of awesome. No comparison to anyone else and no opinion of anyone else. It never mattered. I am confused at how this could be confusing to him. Yes... The feeling of not being adequate, good enough, below average, defeat they were all there. Does that change his awesomeness? Not a bit! Unless he lets it. Unless he believes he's been defeated.. He's not good enough... The minute he lets it enter his soul is the only time it really matters. All other times he will forever have a mama and a daddy who thinks he's nothing less. What's even cooler than that?!? His awesomeness led to so many life lessons.

Willy sat Gabe down and explained to him that he was not among the top picks. But he asked him some important questions... 1. Do you love it? 2. Do you want to become better? His answers to both questions were YES! So thats what we did. If you see any of my boys (all 3).. You will see them wearing necklaces with the letters CBS . It's a symbol of their awesomeness! It stands for Come Back Stronger. On the back of Willys there is a verse engraved.  It hangs around his neck as a reminder of a season of weakness that brought so much strength.

2 Corinthians 12 9-10

9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

We made sure to explain to Gabe That through this all... In his weaknesses. He is strong. He is good enough. And he is AWESOME! Not only do we think that..... but he was created in the likeness of God. Fearfully, Wonderfully, Awesomely made! I will not dispute or argue that.

Don't buy into the mindset "too much" encouragement. Everyone knows there is a reality. Our children will experience enough of it on their own. But I refuse to sit back and make a decision that I will not build them up because of fearing those who will perform at a higher level or judge their abilities will hurt their feelings. Perhaps it's the word.... say it ....AWESOME, that some people have a problem with. The praise. The confidence. The accolades. And yet don't all leaders portray those characteristics? Many of them going through life battling the same voices trying to resonate in their own souls "you are average". "You are not good enough". "You can't do that". "You're a failure".  Im not sure I have ever met a parent that would not want their child to be a leader yet we are holding back and keeping them from believing they can be.  

We ALL learned alot from this "season". On this side of it all I know without a doubt we are stronger. I know I have a little boy who still loves baseball. Who knows his mom and dad think he's the best ball player ever. To know he was created Awesomely in the image of God. Who is the giver of talent and the desire to work hard and can make him an amazing all star if he never even makes an all star team. So ask him one day if he's awesome.... He will say yes!!!! He may even pull at his collar and say it. Weak? Sometimes.. And he knows who gives him strength. 

I encourage you to take a moment. Some days they may need many moments. But tell your kids how wonderfully amazingly incredibly awesome they really are. And that you will forever think so.

PS...For my mother that will wonder if we ever tell Ben he is amazingly awesome here is his lunch from this morning. Dont worry....he is equally awesome, Mom.

That moment when....The husband starts you a blog.....

After months of contemplating, thinking and being pushed. I have finally taken the challenge to start a blog. I have been reading alot! I read a book a few weeks ago that really got me stirring. It reminded me that we all have a story. I forget often that our stories most times inspire, warn, entertain and encourage others along their own journey. Sometimes we dont realize the value of our own. In the past year I decided to start living differently. Living in such a way, out loud, that maybe it can encourage someone else along the way. So this is my life story. A little about me and who inspires me to be the best me. 

These are my boys. All three of them. I always say Willy is my oldest. He has been the love of over half of my life. I knew when we first met that he was everything I wanted to make a life with. He was was not only funny but fun. He lives life like no one else I have ever met. He has overcome so much. If you know him for all that he is you know that statistically his life shouldnt be anywhere near the place he is in now. He teaches me so much about myself and LIFE. I have never met anyone so passionate about knowing that the Lord desires our very best. His plans are far better than those of what the world may decide for us. Little did I know when we married the amazing life we would experience. I did not say easy. I did say amazing. Because everything amazing and wonderful comes with sacrifice, discipline and commitment. It comes with heart ache. Stretching and changing. I can not imagine doing all of those things with another person on this planet. I know he was made for me. Not for all pleasure now...I mean look at him;) But for the simple fact of helping me become a better me. In fact...If you dont like my blogging you can blame him. He was my biggest fan and cheerleader to start this journey. He encourages me and spurs me to be greater. He is an wonderful Dad to those two adorable little boys. I often observe at school and sporting functions the lack of presence of fathers. Maybe they are there for the BIG things. But all of the things in between..... Every practice...every small bag of candy or the 1,000th certificate of summer reading. HE IS THERE. PRESENT! In it all.The boys adore him. And theres always a fight about whos on his team. For EVERYTHING! 

The little ones are my hearts (I have two) that live on the outside of my body. Like most moms I am sure. The instant I met them I feel like I experienced a taste of how the Lord loves us. With no conditions. A sacrificial love of putting aside myself for the sake of their very own souls. They teach us something everyday that needs to change inside our own hearts. They are little versions and mini mes and sometimes that is very scary. 

Just a little introduction of WHY I do what I do. WHO I am and want to become. Its because they deserve the very best I can be. They will love me no matter what. They will always be there when I need them. But remember....I am living for more than the memories we are making. I am living for moments that impress upon their hearts along their own journey. One day my own memory may fail. Thats why every moment I live intentionally is creating a memory far beyond my own. 

Onto the next moment......