That moment when....You Run YOUR Race

My most favorite picture of Mom and Dad

Sunday will mark a year since we learned of Dad's diagnosis. It came as a shock. "Neuro degenerative disease"...What?!?!? I remember mom telling me the words while I was finishing up with my last patient of the day. To say I lost it would be an understatement. It devastated me to the core. There were still many tests to be run. Trying to find anything but. Its such a horrible diagnosis. One of the test they ran they prepared us that it could be a type of cancer that brings along brain atrophy. I prayed it would be cancer and so were the nuerologists. I knew that Dad could and would fight it. But that is not what the Lord had planned. The next months following were the craziest roller coaster ride of my life. The day after... I got vertigo... and well....that's another blog in itself. It was AWFUL. I sat on the couch for 12 VERY LONG days with severe vomiting and dizziness like no body's business. I think it was for the simple fact I could not bother Mom and Dad while they tried to process it all. 12 VERY LONG days and MANY conversations with the Lord. I am SO very thankful for those 12 days for I know they were a blessing. 

My Daddy and Favorite Sister

Part of my coping, when I actually could get off of the couch became running. I had run a few years prior and simply got bored with it. This go around it has been much different. It became stress relief. My time to run off frustration and fear. There were plenty in the beginning that were mad runs. Fast, mad runs. Then became my favorite runs. I started using the time of running as my quiet time. Maybe not what you consider "quiet time".  I used to believe that my quiet time with the Lord had to be spent in a "Godly" chair. In a warm painted room, by a window with a bird feeder.  Can I just share with you....In the past year I have had THE MOST AMAZING times of worship in the HOT, blistering sun with breaks under the most amazing oaks. With sweat running out of every pore of my skin. Struggling to breath and my hammer toe SCREAMING for help. It has taught me a couple of lessons that I think the world should know. 

The first one is The Lord does not live in a box on a shelf to be taken off every Sunday to be able to worship him and stand in awe of the life he has given to you to point others towards him. He can use the things that you love. Your gifts and talents. He can use the things that you despise. The things that hurt. The things that require discipline. You're worst night mare. Your most hidden sin. He can use it all. Anywhere and anytime. If you're willing. 

The second one revolves around the word discipline. Most times we treat this as such a terrible word. A word that is tied to rebellion and consequences. Discipline is not always tied to those things. Discipline in most cases may even help avoid consequences. 

This has become my most favorite spot to run as the sun goes down. Its a wide opened field. With hay bales... cow birds.. and even a few donkeys. A few months ago on a run...actually the day I took this picture I heard voices in my head. (Do not judge) It was Melissa talking to Melissa. If that doesn't happen to you maybe you're the crazy one. However I had this strange thought of running a Marathon. I know...I said the same thing. No.. Never..Swore I would never..that's stupid.. not smart...that's horrible for your body. Those were the things I was discussing with myself back and forth. For 3 miles. And then it hit me..WHY NOT??!?!?!?! I have legs and feet. I can train and accomplish one of those "things" many people do in life. Why? I'm not sure but here are my reasons. Because most of my runs I meet with the Lord...why would the discipline and training be so painful. Yes.. it will be at times physically exhausting, but spiritually can overcome ANYTHING physically. 

Hebrew 12:11-13No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Next week starts my training. When you see me running know that it is for a few reasons. One is my time with him. I treasure it. And when Im running he is there. The other reason I will be running this marathon is for my daddy. When I run I pray for him so much. I pray that this diagnosis even though its part of the disciplining that is not always fun, it helps us all rely on the giver and creator of our very own lives. My daddy has rallied for me. Now I run for him. He has run the most amazing race during his life this far and I know he is just beginning to live for the purpose of what God has created him for. So please pray I keep strength in my knees and the path for my feet becomes strong. 

The third lesson and most dangerous is perspective. I have fallen trap in this area before. Perspective is a word that sometimes comes with too much weight. Thinking our own is the only one. That there is truth to it. Which is simply true when its your perspective. In your own heart.

My perspective of discipline, watching people live through life's roller coaster rides and the direction they take for their own has changed in the past few years. All because the Lord has shown me that he comes into our lives and works in ways indescribable. Don't fall into the danger of keeping him in that box and definitely don't judge someone else's perspective. This is their race...you have yours...RUN IT! I am still confused at how I got here and how my perspective has changed but Im embracing its awesomeness. 

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

This was my favorite song from todays run. Blog inspired.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY5_jMdELnw